Now is different

I am the sidekick.

Alone child.

It feels, something? No, nothing. Numb feeling.

Issues, Only your heart and mind can fight with that.

When you love someone, It's been scaring.

When you want to tell everything to someone.

Shhhhhhh.

No one can give a shit. So, be silent.

Yes, a day came.

She came in my life like a Festival,

Like a traveler found its adventure

Like a book found its author

And

Like a Minion found its Banana.

Faster than the blood pumping in the veins.

That day when you said "Hi" on WhatsApp…

4 seconds after I had said “Hey”.

5 minutes after I had said, “Say else”.

7 days after we understood the fun.

7 months after We met.

Again after several months we met and hugged.

After some times we became a best buddies and sharing the stuff.

After some time I said I love you.

After some time We cried , laughed and cared for each other like we never did for any other person.

I think you might be thinking our whole journey,

But no,

You love the play.

But Now is different.

Difference in many ways.

Hmm understand?

No I guess.

Difference is

I love you

To

I loveee Youuu

Difference is

Got to know what is more soul crushing than unfulfilled dreams

The weight of other's dream on your shoulders.

Then they come with weight of tears.

And it is too hard.

Hard, Damn hard, to maintain the volcano in your stomach.

The whirlwind in your eyes.

But, Again please be silent. no one can understands
and one who can, is your love

so be silent,
Silent? No i'm trapped.

I am like injured ghost.

Ghost with burning wings.

Now, the deadline is over, She is with me.

I want to be free. Free like a bird.

Just like a rain come out from the clouds.

So that night, Feel on the peaks , want to tell every lie, everything

Lying…Feels like a truth.

Until it peels off its mask.

And then it’s ugly.

But so are we.

Every words has a small drop of tear inside,

Push the button and Roller-coaster of emotions are started.

Not again,

Tears, Uff I hate it, Every single time.

This time it could watering my burning wings.

But the tears,  I don't care as magma comes out with water itself.

And

Her fingers

Knitting my emotions to make a jacket

That can keep you warm and can suffocate

I Wish, i could say...

you are

My good morning's habit

And

My nightmare's safety

You are my soldier.

Who can protect me from chaos, from the mud of situations.

and hold my hand and take me out of it by giving just a smile,

and said

“be strong”.

Yes,

Strong Person, so called my friends used to say.

Tough guy, Proud of it.

So, Put the mask,

Yes I am strong

I am strong..

I am strong..

I am strong..

I am weak..

Head on her Lap..

Her fingers wounded in my hair..

Suppose to be "stop kunjan" stop..

But no

Planning a devious plan to tell the things that I must not say.

To tell her that I…
I am weak.

So the next time I meet you,

Maybe don’t think that I am too sweet if you see me smiling back at you.

I am just pressing my lips as hard as I can,

So that I won’t shoot fireworks out of my mouth.

So that I won’t say the things that the walls of my body hold together.

I am scared okay?

When she puts her head on my chest and hears the pounding of my heart,

I am afraid that the words will slip out from between the skipped beats.

And now,

The skipped beats have stopped visiting,

It is their own way of showing how you are mad at me.

Just listen.

Close your eyes.

Come on I mean it.

Close your eyes and listen.

Yes… the heartbeats you can feel them, right?

Open your eyes.

That’s how I feel.

When I listen to a good song.

When I hold hands and lay back, watch the stars from between the trees.

Can you feel it yet?

The kisses on your cheeks.

The smell of the first rains?

Can you almost see yourself crying in the corner after a stupid fight?

If yes, then I proved you that

Now is different.